The Hair-brained Future with AI

I’ve been bald for a very long time. Started fully shaving my head in my early twenties when genetics made the decision for me – early-onset baldness runs in my family like a cruel heirloom. My brother has it, my son has it, and I genuinely don’t care. The shaved head is convenient, highly masculine, and blissfully low maintenance.

But here’s a thought: while everyone’s hyperventilating about whether AI will destroy civilization or create a utopian paradise, maybe we should consider the more delightfully trivial advances this technology might deliver. AI-enabled drug research might cure cancer, sure, but what if it also figures out how to regrow my hair after 30 years? If there were a simple, risk-free pill, would I take it? Maybe just for fun – but then I’d have to choose haircuts, schedule barber visits, deal with bed head. I don’t need anything added to my morning routine when I could spend those five minutes enjoying coffee instead.

There’s already some new science on hair regrowth, including something called “micro-needling.” If I want micro-needling in my life, I’ll just ask my wife how I’m doing as a father.

What other pressing concerns might AI tackle? If these models are trained on web content and email archives, AI must think “penis enlargement” is humanity’s most urgent daily crisis. If AI invented a pill for this, would I take it? I’d be concerned about the stopping mechanism. What if it doesn’t stop? I’d look like an upside-down Pinocchio in no time.

Weight management is already undergoing an AI-driven drug revolution, though I read that some of these medications might cause blindness. Maybe it’s an urban legend – I heard the same “going blind” threat about another activity I have firsthand experience with, and nothing happened there either.

Perhaps AI’s real gift will be solving technology’s most maddening failures. Take those automatic bathroom taps that supposedly dispense water when you put your hands underneath. They never work. It’s always two minutes of positioning your hands just right, then the water stops mid-wash. You try the other tap, get irritated, and splash water on your pants. Surely AI can fix this travesty?

Or hotel shower controls – that sadistic puzzle where you squeeze into the furthest corner, then play Russian roulette with randomly placed knobs, never knowing if you’ll get ice water from overhead or scalding spray from the handheld unit first. We’re genuinely terrible at solving basic human interface problems. Maybe AI will bring sanity to these processes.

Or maybe it’ll make things worse through model hallucinations, causing us to grow more hair – just not on our heads, but on all the parts that are already too hairy. Either way, at least I’ll still have my convenient, low-maintenance scalp. Some problems are worth keeping.

#WhimsicalAI #Hair #Innovation